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failing goals

How often do we set out on a new project, personal aspiration or future plan only to fail, to not quite get there? If you are shaking your head saying 'that's not me' - great - and, I'd recommend setting your goals even higher. For the rest of us, we may have followed all the golden rules of writing down our goals, positive affirmations, breaking down the actions into tiny bite sized pieces or having a clear vision of the end result; only to reach the deadline with our plan still half tackled and half eaten. Looking around my to-be-transformed office I can honestly say I've failed.

Fantastic! There is a perspective that we should only attempt what we hope to succeed in. Well, I'd like to offer you another perspective that we aim to fail in the hope of succeeding in more.

In coaching fear of failure can come hand in hand with fear of success. These fears can be limiting beliefs or gremlins at opposite ends of our personal potential spectrum. Sometimes if we don't address the first we won't achieve the second. So why is it so important to fail? Aiming to fail enables us to play with another and often freeing perspective, which encourages us to stretch beyond our personal limits, encounter key learning and open ourselves to new learned behaviour. Just think, failing comes about from action and how often does our fear of failure lead us to inaction.

Have you ever noticed what happens when you give yourself full permission to fail? Have you ever set the bar so high that you know you are going to bump right into it instead of soaring over? For most of us we take the easy route and simplest option in order to succeed, and as a result we limit ourselves. By setting our goal out of reach, over our heads and slightly out of sight, enables us to explore ourselves and the total experience it offers.

Coming back to my office; in failing to meet my tight deadline and vision of a clear, clean shared space I had accomplished some great groundwork and had learnt something about me along the way. What I had achieved was the creation of space by building a cupboard (which by the way was easier to do than first imagined) and an actual design plan and costs for the next stage (thanks to my dear friend Tania). By raising the bar my vision for the room has grown and my intention now is to settle for more instead of less. However for me the key experience has been a realisation of how I communicate with my partner, or rather, how I don't. I had stored my frustration of the untidy room along side the mess instead of sharing it. I discovered that I keep a goal alive by keeping it close, and when it is finally shared it is surrounded by impatience, frustration, and in this case criticism. What I've learnt is that I need to start communicating my goals with my partner even before they are formed, at the point of inspiration instead of at the point of desperation.

The next time you fix your goal, why not set your sights a little higher and see what you can learn from failing.

Article by Kate French CPCC
Certified Professional Co-Active Coach
Member of the International Coaching Federation
www.katefrench.com

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